Monday, June 27, 2016

The Dysfunctional Dinner Disaster

11 Behold, the days come, saith the Lord God, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of [having pictures sent home in the emails of Elder Benge]:

12 And they shall wander from sea to sea, and from the north even to the east, they shall run to and fro to seek [pictures of Elder Benge], and shall not find [them].

                                                                                                                Amos 8:11-12 (NBRFEV New Benge Revised and Falsely Edited Version of the Bible)

Yeah, sorry about the lack of pictures. I keep forgetting my camera, forgetting to take pictures, and/or running out of time while emailing. The pictures will come some time, but I shall make no promises or guarantees concering what that time might be. The most interesting part of the week came at our dinner on Thursday. You see, we have about 12 different families in the ward with the last name of Prometheusslayerofgiants*, and one of them signed up on our dinner calendar. That morning, we called in order to confirm our dinner, but we called the wrong Prometheusslayerofgiants family. Instead of telling us we had called the wrong family, they just assumed that they had forgotten that they'd signed up that day. During dinner that night, we got a call from another Prometheusslayerofgiants family informing us of our heretical ways... oops. You know, it's at times like this that I'm glad my last name is Benge, and not something that people can remember. I mean, let's be honest, unless you're related to me, you've probably said my last name wrong a time or two in your life. You were probably hoping that I didn't notice, but I did, and soon retribution will be mine. No, I'm kidding about that retribution part. Sometimes, after I've been in a ward for 4 months they still call me Elder Benjee, or else Elder Bungee-jump, or Elder Binge, or Elder Ben-gay (Which I've never been, by the way), or Elder Bengershalalhashbaz, or something that just baffles the mind of the avid annunciator. I know that many of you out there can sympathize, especially if you have a name like Haruch, Isaac, Blatter, Jemay, Syndillaphideyer, Behunin, or something else that just gets predictably, yet atrociously mangled every single time somebody new reads your name before they hear it (or spells your name before they read it). Also, if I have inadvertently offended you by misspelling or even just by including your name on that previous list, I apologize profusely and ask for your forgiveness.:) I will attempt to make it up to you some time in the near future by doing something vague and unspecific.

Anyway, this week was a great one. We had an investigator come to church which is always a double bonus plus. Her name is Flora the Dragonslayer* (actually, it's just Cari), and she is on date for baptism this Saturday! We are very excited for her. She is progressing very well, and if you remember to, please prayer for her (using her real name, not her alias) to be able to have the strength and faith to overcome her issues with the Word of Wisdom.

Just a note on that, addictions are very potent and destructive. Beware of addictions. It is very easy to let yourself become addicted or habitually attached to something unawares. That is how Satan traps you. Be constantly vigilant, my dear friends and family. Do not allow the adversary to 'catch you by surprise'. When I say "surprise" I'm not talking about the harmless and funny surprises like walking in to the bathroom and being attacked by your friend in a gorilla suit, no I am talking about the sinister, evil type of surprise in which you realize that you suddenly have lost control over your behavior whenever something triggers you. 

God is all about freedom. Satan is all about addiction and loss of freedom. Follow God.

  27 Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and allthings are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.

 Have a great week, my friends!

*name has been changed in order to protect their secret identity. 

Yes, that is actually this individual's real name
Elder Benge

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